These sorts of posts deliver results with laser precision. It’s simple: Match up your father with the descriptor, and you’ll know what to get him.
FISHING DAD
Try and convince him to order fish in a restaurant. We’ll wait.
Diet: Anything with fins or claws. His favorite: Simple (Yet Scrumptious) Steamed Fish.
Distinguishing marks: Bucket hat, multi-pocket vest, trusty waders.
Superpowers:
- Can descale and filet a trout while watching a Rangers game
- Can identify any saltwater firm-fleshed fish in one bite
- He has seven beer-batter recipes memorized
Habitat: Waist-deep in a stream, in a kayak, or folding chair by the lake. Also found napping in a recliner.
A gift to avoid: Tofu of the Month subscription.
Ideal gift: Ultimate Sportsman Bundle. Watch what he can do with a short cooker and an Ultimate Skimmer/Frying Weapon.
HUNTING DAD
Birds of a feather hunt together. Hunting Dad flocks with other hunting dads.
Diet: Big game? He’s game. His favorite: Braised Venison.
Distinguishing marks: Camo, of course. Has an Astros cap, but it’s the camo version. And one in blaze orange.
Superpowers:
- Can throw his scent off from a buck from high in a tree stand
- Can distinguish between the Blue-Winged and Cinnamon Teal by the sound of their wings
- Has deboned a duck in the dark. Twice.
Habitat: We’re not sure. The camo, you see. Otherwise, on the back deck with a cold one.
A gift to avoid: Vegan Cooking for Dummies cookbook.
Ideal gift: Ultimate Camping/RV Bundle. What, did you think he was coming home tonight? He’ll be home tomorrow,